By Dave "C"

M onica, baby, you’ve done it! You’ve given new meaning to the word "humidor" and cigar aficionado’s everywhere are in your debt. You bring new meaning to the words physical evidence. We’re NOT dying to know if it was a petit perfecto or a Coronas Gigantes! Monica, are you free Friday night?

Cable news channels reached all time lows and if polls mean anything at all and Nielson ratings ring true, their despicable coverage will not amount to a hill of beans or a box of robustos. And never mind that Congress authorized sexually explicit material to be blatantly cast out on the internet without the consent of Net-Nanny. This entire mess has only revived interest in cigars and proper storage methods. It’s safe sex mixed with a good after-event smoke. What could be better?
Monica has done more for cigars than the last six-months of price reductions. Somehow 98.6 degrees seems a tad high for proper cigar storage. Who needs a stained dress when you can have a flavored cigar?

Crude? Yep. It’s all in the Starr Report. "This Referral presents substantial and credible information that President Clinton criminally obstructed the judicial process, first in a sexual harassment lawsuit in which he was the defendant and then in a grand jury investigation," writes a puritanical Kenneth Starr.

What President in history is without indiscretions? We all know the Office of the President is a power trip and a little indiscretion is part of the game. Many of my European friends are stymied by our obsession with the last six months. It’s laughable to them. The French, Germans and British have all dealt with infidelity in high government offices. And they survived.

According to Ms. Lewinsky, she performed oral sex on the President on nine occasions. On all nine of those occasions, the President fondled and kissed her bare breasts. He touched her genitals, both through her underwear and directly, bringing her to orgasm on two occasions. On one occasion, the President inserted a cigar into her vagina.
Shall we light up now?

Ms. Lewinsky testified: "[W]e spent hours on the phone talking. A lot of discussions about my job, when I was trying to come back to the White House and then once I decided to move to New York. We talked about everything under the sun." On 10 to 15 occasions, she and the President had phone sex. After phone sex late one night, the President fell asleep mid-conversation.

This is more information than I care to know. At least it was a local call. Taxpayers apparently are footing the bill for 1-900-SEEGARS.

If you’ve had enough, send your Congressman an email. Go to www.house.gov and look him/her up. Thank them for all they’ve done for cigars!

I couldn’t let the issue go unsung. Shout, scream, yelp and puff your opinion, and make it known in Washington! Fahgeddaboud the law. Perjury? Probably. Laws broken? Probably over and over. Impeachable offenses? Not if you’re a cigar smoker.

Dave "C" is President of the Dave "C" Cigar Club in New York City. Organized 3 years ago with more than 250 members. They meet quarterly at various cigar bars in Manhattan.
Visit their web site at: http://www.zzx.com/davec/